By Jennifer McDowell © 2009

Fill the back of the stage with a dramatic picture of a woman covered in cloth so that only one eye shows. Scene one's characters are PROFESSOR CULTURAL BUBBLES who is informative, provocative, of any age; her brother, CHAMPAGNE BUBBLES, a nervous type; and the covered woman, named SPICY BLAZING, who is covered in the most severe form of Islamic dress, with clothing arranged so that only one eye shows. SHE can be of any age. Like the Wife of Bath, SHE symbolizes vitality. SHE is feisty, strong, vivid, determined to live a full life and to triumph in spite of cultural restrictions. SHE has plenty to say, and has lots of fun as SHE turns her upside down world right side up with quips and barbs. When the scene opens, PROFESSOR CULTURAL BUBBLES, wearing bubble wrap, and her brother, CHAMPAGNE BUBBLES, similarly attired, are standing behind a filmy curtain. As the curtain rises, THEY stroll to center stage and CULTURAL BUBBLES sings "Multiculturalism Died of Despair." An alternate title for this song is "The Land Called Bland."


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Vocals by jazz great, Pamela Polland.
Music arrangement by Jennifer McDowell and Jeanine O'Neal.
Studios: O'Neal Productions in San Jose, and Pamela's studio chez elle in Hawaii.

Mul-ti-culturalism died of despair
So many people to kiss
     (Blowing kiss to audience)
She didn't have a prayer.
Forgot who she was, didn't know where to stand
She got lost in a land called Bland.
     (Imitating blasé, self-satisfied people)

Mul-ti-culturalism, women's rights
Are far apart like day and night.
Bride burning, honor killings, violence at home
Things like this turn hearts to stone.
You have to choose, you have to choose, you have to choose, choose, choose.

Fashion is a cruel rule
It's fashionable to say today, "Anti-Semitism's cool"
The Middle East grows it in the schools
But East or West, cruel is cruel, is cruel.

Race hatred is an idiot's vice
Mi-sog-y-ny is hardly nice
Little kids learn these at home
No vice stands alone, stands alone, stands alone, lone, lone.

When you turn your eyes from these things
Say "They don't mat-ter, I got my song to sing."
Our planet is gonna take revenge
For population overgrowth and bad values binge.
We got this binge, we got this binge, we got this binge, binge, binge,
Bad values binge.

Lots of things are not very nice
(Spoken aside: "Anti-Semitism's one of them")
Here's some facts, some good advice
Most countries do treat women like lice
Is this nice? Is this nice, nice, nice?

Mul-ti-culturalism is a silly trap
If you take a bath in it, it will leave you flat
You'll not know where you stand
You'll be lost in a land called Bland.

Quakers and cannibals are not the same
Stalin and Mother Teresa have very different aims, and brains
In favor of the cannibals it can be said
They don't leave so many dead.

Scorpions and kittens don't compare
Nor do bombs with pollution in the air
Who's the worst? Who's the best?
The people of the East, the Middle, or the West?

Mul-ti-culturalism died of despair
So many people to kiss, she didn't have a prayer.
Forgot who she was, didn't know where to stand
She got lost in a land called Bland.

Now to make another point
Without distinctions, Earth's atmosphere goes boink.
Honor killings are lynchings, polygamy's for men
Anti-Semitism's bigotry and feminism's in.

Now to make one last little point
Without women's rights, minds go boink!
You can't have clean fish or tall trees
Unless women's rights you choose to please.
You like fish? You like tall trees? Then women's rights you have to please,
You have to please, you have to please, please, please.

Dr. Angela Merkel, leading candidate for chancellor of Germany, wrote a letter of “heart-felt thanks” to Dr. McDowell for “Multiculturalism Died of Despair.” This song defends women, Jews and blacks.
Here are her letters: translated into English and the original German

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